Behold: The Finest Photo of All Time

​My God, do I wish I'd been there to get this on tape.

Quite happy to see that Hugh Jackman has signed on to play Psy in the Gangnam Style musical.

Unconfirmed reports suggest it will tell the story of Wolverine trying to live life as a single parent in South Korea, where his attempts to get close to his son are thwarted by his pointy claws and his inability to stop dancing like a horse-riding cowboy. Frankly, this is exactly what Broadway needed.

This news courtesy of Psy's twitter, which you may as well follow if you feel a need to learn more about Psy. For me, that picture is so good that I hope I never learn anything again, lest it be pushed out of my brain.​

Don't We All Find Pleasure A Little Annoying?

I've long been a fan of Cook's Illustrated's aggressively middlebrow, involved-but-not-difficult, style of home cooking. They have a solid recipe for everything, and they come with pictures. I was overwhelmingly charmed by this weekend's profile of Cook's Illustrated grumpus-in-chief, Christopher Kimball. 

Good reporting is really about eliciting quotes that let the personality of your subject shine through, and arranging them in the most amusing way possible. In case you don't have the vim required for such a long feature, here are the best quotes from the profile, arranged from least grumpy to grumpiest:

"If you had walked across this country a hundred years ago, you probably wouldn’t have eaten the same biscuit twice."

"I’m happier eating hoagies."

"Most magazines don’t write about failure, but we do. Disaster in the kitchen puts the reader at ease, and that’s why we start our recipes with it."

"We don’t make the ultimate anything. Were they the world’s best burgers — no, probably not. But if you get food on the table and it works, we’ve done our jobs."

"I hate the idea that cooking should be a celebration or a party. Cooking is about putting food on the table night after night, and there isn’t anything glamorous about it."

"Cooking isn’t creative, and it isn’t easy. It’s serious, and it’s hard to do well, just as everything worth doing is damn hard."

"This is my magazine, and I will print what I want."

"There’s something about pleasure I find annoying."

Everybody Plays The Fanboy . . . Sometimes

Fanboy websites have an incredibly irritating habit of making a big deal out of publicity materials. "OMG NEW HYDE PARK ON HUDSON TEASER TRAILER POSTED," or "HOLY HELL THE NEW PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN THE MASTER TIE-IN ACTION FIGURE IS AMAAAAAAZING." But there's nothing less interesting than trying to make news out of a newly released poster. I mean...it's an image. It doesn't do anything. It doesn't say anything. Usually, they're ugly. It doesn't even have a kung-fu grip. 

We don't get a lot of that foaming in the theater world. Oh, sure, there are those who go bananas for a new Original Cast Recording, but generally, we pretentious theaterfolk try to stay thoughtful. As you can tell by reading this blog, I'm nothing if not thoughtful. The abbatoir that is my brain-cavity is constantly taking in thoughts, churning them out, and spitting out little idea sausages for you to enjoy. It's also good with positively disgusting images.

But for the moment, I abandon thoughtfulness. I foam. Because Crystal Skillman and the Vampire Cowboys have a new show coming out next spring, Geek, and OMG THE POSTER IS HERE HOLY HELL! 

I saw an early draft of the play read this summer, and I can attest to its charming Vampire Cowboysiness. What's more, Crystal is a swell lady. If anybody deserves a little half-baked press, it's those guys. Dig the poster. Get excited about Geek.

Rebecca In Peril, and Only Captain Planet Can Save Her Now

​The Long Island flim-flam-fellow behind giving Rebecca her final curtain—or is it?!—has been arrested on Long Island. And here, perhaps, I should make some joke about Long Island already being a prison to begin with, but I'm feeling a bit lazy even for that kind of lazy humor. Onward we press—with the news!

"To carry out the alleged fraud, Hotton faked lives, faked companies and even staged a fake death, pretending that one imaginary investor had suddenly died from malaria," reiterated the United States Attorney Preet Bharara. "Ultimately, Hotton’s imagination was no match for the FBI which uncovered, with lightning speed, his alleged financial misdeeds."

Truly, the FBI should always be depicted as some kind of fraud-fighting superhero supergroup. If Preet Bharara were a member of the Captain Planet team, which one would he be? Fire, I bet. Seems like a fiery guy. And, I did not realize this, but the closing credits for that 90's classic start with the unbeatable credit, "Original Idea By: TED TURNER." Between Chipper, Cap'n P, and the Gulf War, the 90s were really Big Ted's decade, eh?

And a note to Mary E. Galligan, the acting assistant director of the New York FBI—fraud is not the only crime that is plaguing Broadway. The strip also has a terrible problem with belabored metaphors, and you are not helping!

Ms. Galligan said  Mr. Hotton “wrote, directed and starred in the work of fiction he took to Broadway,” adding that a “convincing portrayal on stage can earn you a Tony” while “a convincing act that fleeces a production’s backers can earn you a prison term.” 

The Times piece ends with a quote from Ben Sprecher's beleaguered lawyer, who insists his client is "totally committed to bring Rebecca to New York." Poor, poor Ben Sprecher. Totally committed may be the right phrase.

The Adventures of 13 Playwrights Across The 8th Dimension

Everything I wrote yesterday about 13P was a hideous lie. It came to me just now in a flash. Their success has nothing to do with hard work, a clear mission statement, or fundraising genius. Rather, it's because they are thirteen of them—and each one must have his or her own specialization. It's like Ocean's Eleven, or, better yet, Buckaroo Banzai

Which one is Sarah Rule?

I know that there are other copies of the end titles to Buckaroo Banzai, but I thought we needed one that was clearly labeled, not edited, and in the right aspect ratio. ;)

Now that they've imploded, the gang must be done for good, right? 

Wrong.

They're either going to get back together in a couple of years to put on one more big show, or they'll get word that Earth is in danger from an intergalactic evil that can be stopped only by creative fundraising. Rob Handel will yell, "13P—Assemble!" and the evil will be vanquished...for now.