I've been living in Park Slope since February. It's a nice place, but a little bit stuffy—a bit like how I imagine the Upper West Side was at the start of its slide into a tedious landscape of naught but bank branches and crummy Italian restaurants. Park Slope isn't UWS bad yet, but I feel like it could go that way in five or so years.
A possible savior arrived this summer, though, in the grizzled form of Patrick Stewart. His Time Warner Bashing, Brooklyn Nets Liking ways have been well documented, but yesterday he outdid himself. He bought a Christmas tree. And it was amazing.
It’s well known that Patrick Stewart is a big goofy goofball. But since his recent, well-publicized move to Park Slope, he’s made his adorable side public. Whether drunk tweeting or squinting at a cappuccino, he seems to be having exactly as much fun as a retired Starfleet captain deserves. But yesterday he took it to the next level, in a three part photo-essay that every holiday-weary Brooklynite can relate to.
Part 1: Patrick Stewart buys a Christmas tree.
Part 2: Patrick Stewart struggles with Christmas lights.
Part 3: Patrick Stewart is proud of his tree.
It’s a heartwarming story, full of pine needles and overcoming adversity. Stewart isn’t featured in the final picture, but we feel his smile beaming from every light on his petite evergreen. Frankly, the script writes itself.
Picard: Mr. Data. Lay in a course for Christmas cheer. Make it so.
Data: Sensors detecting a four foot tall evergreen, sir.
Picard: Mr. Worf, lock on target with twinkly Christmas lights.
Worf: Target acquired.
There's more, but that's really the best part. No need to click on this, frankly.