Shut Up Annie, Shut Up Oliver, Shut Up Everybody!

Perhaps writing about the hurricane has gotten to me, because I just lit in to Little Orphan Annie and a few other famous musical characters who are, depending on your taste, either beloved icons or easy targets. The title of the post is probably the best thing I've written all week—"Little Orphan Annie, And Five Other Musical Heroes I Want to Punch In The Face."

The new revival of 1977′s toothache-inducing Broadway classic Annie premiered last night at the Palace Theater. Reviews have been just on the happy side of lukewarm, with most of the praise going towards the undeniably adorable dog that was profiled last week in Business Insider, beneath the barely-comprehensible headline, “Annie’s Sandy Hopes Sun’ll Come Out Day After Tomorrow.”
But no matter how much love is heaped on the red-headed twerp, her shrill squeal, bubbly optimism and unforgivable curls have always made us want to belt her. Now now, I’m not threatening to make my way up to 47th Street and start slugging. I’m not getting paid enough to go to Times Square, and with my freelancer’s build—a unique combination of flabby and scrawny—it’s really not a good idea to pick fights, even with tweens. But boy, something about those bouncing red locks makes me want to hurt somebody, and she’s not the only one. Here are five other musical legends who fill me with an overwhelming urge to bust their lip.

Am I an utter jerk, or do I have a point? You be the judge.

One other note about the Little Orphan which I forgot to mention—she's pretty sure the sun'll come out tomorrow. It doesn't always. Sometimes it stays cloudy, y'know? I'm just saying it's not the thing to bet your bottom dollar on.